UPDATE: Trump Tanked North Korean Stock Market With ‘One Phone Call – One Word’

Kim Jong Un must have thought he was really onto something when he developed a stock market to make his crappy little country look more legitimate. The market, nicknamed “The Chunky Index” by investors, isn’t open and available to just anyone because of sanctions against the country and its nuclear program, but if you know a nice, neutral place you can do business from, you too can experience financial oppression at its best.

The Pyangyong Industrial, which is the market’s actual name, was sitting at just over 7 million North Korean won, or about $865 this morning, when President Trump made a phone call that ended it all:

“President Trump picked up the phone and called his broker in Liberia, which has no sanctions, and simply said ‘sell.’”

Who would be smart enough to invest in North Korea when everyone else shied away because of his big bad nukes? Our President Donald J Trump did. According to our analysts, there were basically 3 investors in the entire market, which was at a total value of just over $2 Billion. Trump and his sons had purchased the companies with the highest revenues, which included the company allegedly building nuclear warheads. After the successful test, the stock skyrocketed and became more than three-quarters of North Korea’s economy.

Until he dropped the bottom out and sold it for next to nothing. Brilliant. Not only has this great man managed to bankrupt an evil regime, he’s managed to dismantle their weapons program. Could Obama do that? Could Clinton? No. No they couldn’t. The Joint Chiefs have agreed that the threat from North Korea is now nothing short of distant and remote.

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